Drinking to Improve Your Complexion

What is it about human beings that we try to convert our vices into virtues? Provacateur, a nightclub in New York, claims its drinks will improve the complexions of those who imbibe them. That’s right, its drinks, consumed individually but preferably in mass (one wants to get the maximum benefit, after all), will not give you broken capillaries or a red face; they will instead even out your skin tone and efface blackheads, pimples, and any other disfigurations. You can now safely dispense with your skin care regimen and head to Provacateur for a few drinks the next time you feel the emergence of a pustule on your face. (If ever there was an argument for lowering the drinking age, here is one: who is more in need of a stiff martini—garnished with a cucumber, of course—from Provacateur than some poor teenage boy with overactive sebaceous glands?) What makes the drinks at Provacateur medicinal, you ask? Well they contain elixirs such as watermelon and cucumber, mixed, of course, with ample amounts of tequila.  

I confess I’m somewhat skeptical. So the next time I’m in New York I’m going to head to Provacateur and examine the complexions of patrons as they leave the establishment. I would go in, but the owner, who is quoted in the article, prides himself on Provacateur’s exclusivity: he caters, you see, to “the pampered and primping set,” who presumably already have good complexions, and are not, therefore, in dire need of Provacateur’s wares. If the owner of Provacateur wants to prove the efficacy of his “Watermelon Kiss,” he should open up his bar to those who do not have the fine complexions of his regulars. He might, just as a courtesy, have a special night every week when the bar is open only to those suffering from severe cystic acne.

In all seriousness, I commend Provacateur for making the consumption of vegetables more interesting. The problem, of course, with “hiding” our vegetables is that the masking agents are never healthy.